She’s was so gorgeous, striking, and incredibly beautiful with her long red mermaid hair,warm green eyes, black chuck taylors, and baggy dickies for days. It all started with two simple words "hey beautiful" after passing by each other at work. I thought nothing of it. Until after that night I found my self over at the Seafood counter staring into your eyes. She gave me her number and damn right I texted her. One conversation led to another and to some more and before I knew it we found our selves talking all day at work, visiting each other, texting all night, sharing our deepest darkest secrets, waking each other up, and just being there for each other. Shortly after I’d find my self making excuses to come into work. Spending money and buying things I didn’t need just to see you and be with you. You’d tell me I looked so beautiful and the way you would stare at me like you wanted to eat me made me melt. Things just kept escalating we would text more and more and open up to each other more and more. Which brings me to the day when I came in for Associate Appreciation day to shop and I came to see you. We talked for a few minutes when you accidentally called me babe. I blushed so bad and I thought about it all day. I couldn’t wait for you to get off so we could talk. We talked all night like the usual and continued to do so. A few days later before Christmas I was out at the mall texting her. She told me she liked me. I said “you like me..? She said yeah babe I thought I told you this. I said “no you never told me.” She said yeah I like you I’d ask you out but I know you don’t swing that way. “I thought I didn’t I said….but I can’t get you off my mind.” After that moment we totally opened up to each other…she’d call me babe in every other word and I loved it. And just like that within the blink of an eye I found myself head over heels hopelessly and uncontrollably.There was no choice, no option. I genuinely began to care for her and accept her for her flaws and all. My whole day at work constantly consisted of staring at the clock waiting for her to clock in…”is it 1:30 yet?” I’d think that everyone with red hair that walked by was her. My nights consisted of waiting for her to get off so that we could text all night every time my phone vibrated I’d hope it was her and if it wasn’t I’d ignore. There was no one else worth talking to, she had my full attention and I had hers. She had my heart and I thought I had hers. When I’d see her I’d start feeling hot in my chest and my heart would start beating fast. She made me feel alive and work suddenly became my favorite place in the world to be. Everything was perfect between us I was living in ecstasy. A few days passed and it was the eve of my birthday. I got a text from her “Babe do you work tomorrow I just wanna take my girl out for breakfast.” Well I did have to work. She said baby you should’t have to work on your birthday and made up a mastermind plan for me to call in sick to work. So I called in sick and she took me to breakfast. We went to Denny’s she held the door open for me and we went to sit down. I walked behind her. “Baby what do you want?” she said order what ever you want. We ordered nothing but pancakes. We waited for our food and I was freezing cold. She offered me her jacket but I didn’t want her to freeze to death you know? Our pancakes finally came. She ripped hers in half and stuffed it in her mouth. No fork or knife was necessary she was just that bad ass she literally cared about nothing and that is what turned me on. I’ve honestly never put up with so many flaws from one person. I just didn’t care when it came to her. I was so shy around her. I’m always shy around people I like but this time it was worse Iv’e never ever liked a girl before. On the car ride home we listed to thrift shop she said “my hands are so cold babe feel them.” She reached her hands out and I felt them. When I felt them the world around me stopped, we locked eyes, and neither of us wanted to let go. Finally we let go and she leaned in to kiss me but then we didn’t kiss. I looked out of the window for awhile. I should have kissed you…why didn’t I kiss you? After that everything wen’t downhill. I was nervous about being around people at work and being open about it and dogged her a couple of times, and got jealous once. She said I wasn’t giving her enough attention and that I was more open with her over text rather than in person and that she can’t be in a relationship like that. Well this was true but at the same time she didn’t give me a chance. She wasn’t patient enough with me. The texts from her began to cease. No good morning texts and no goodnight texts. I wouldn’t wake her up for work in the morning and she wouldn’t text me when she got off. We wouldn’t talk all night and our visits and conversations at work became shorter and eventually ceased. And just like that I was out of the picture. I tried to talk to her about it. I apologized after I finally realized how much I liked her. I was ready to stop shutting her out. I didn’t care about what anyone thought anymore. I was ready to give her my 100 percent and guess what? Within a blink of an eye it was too late. Through my snooping and lurking I eventually found out that she began to like and start talking to someone else. Never told me anything just left me hanging and dumped me like an old useless body and said nothing about it after making me fall for her and open up to her. When Iv’e done nothing but care for her and accept her. Oh it was more than unfair and it hurt. Having to go to work and not only seeing her but every single thing at work reminds me of her. Of us. How do I even begin to get over her? We went from talking 24/7 to never. We wen’t from friends to strangers with one way memories. Probably the worst thing about it is that you are the only girl I ever liked and ever will like. There is something so special about you. You made me happy. Now every time I go to sleep and wake up to nothing I’m sad. Every time I get a text that’s not from you I’m annoyed. All I want is literally you. And now I’m stuck on this question why didn’t I kiss you? What would have happened? Why was I so naive and stupid? Honestly I hate not knowing. But what can I do? That is how feelings work you cannot control who you fall for or even when… it just happens and that’s the scary thing. Someone can be totally here one day and completely gone the next. Bottom line of this story is that once you catch feelings you can’t break away from it it. You start caring about that person and then all of a sudden they leave with out any explanation and you’re just alone and confused with your heart wide open. I guess I figured I just wanted to write this down and get it off my chest…seal it up and forget about it for now. But I eventually don’t want to forget I want to remember. After all that’s what life is about living and learning and this was quite a lesson. You made me so so so happy and you deserve to be happy. No hard feelings though you totally played me. I don’t regret meeting you. You actually taught me so much and changed my perspective on so many things. I hope that we can be friends in the future but for now I’m keeping my distance until I can forgive you. Thank you for everything love. And there you have it…a condensed story of my month of December 2012…..the month were I totally fell for a girl.